朋友写的一首歌。。

That night.. really wasnt in any mood to play mahjong.. not after receieving his sms... so.. partly due to lack of skill...*bLeaH*.. partly due to lack of concentration *siGhz*.. i lost $150 SinGaPorE DoLLaRs wor... ~$~

The game started at 12 midnite.. ended around 5am.. left gene's house for breakfast.

While walking out, i sms-ed maddie... Just felt had to tell someone about my feelings... sighz.. was feeling so fustrated and upset.. why why why... why must he send stuff lydat that mixed up my feelings.. i dunno why i so weak.. .. ..

"He said he'll wait for me no matter what..."

I had made up my mind.. really i had.. to not be affected by his sms coz it's all crap like sipei, benny and maddie say... all targeting to make me feel bad.. esp the last time he msg say he crying coz of me.. I fret abt that all night .. lost sleep.. keep feeling bad abt it.. then when I finally call him to check on him, turns out he slept very well till evening time den he say nothing is wrong.. *uRgh..* Pek chek after that ..coz feel like wasted my time n feeling fretting abt it.. (he today sms me to ask loan $.. sigh.. how leh)

Sighz.. I really is just still concern abt him.. after all we were friends and then couple for 4 yrs.. and I am very sure that me & him wont work out in long term.. dat y i had decided to end it.. so he can find a more suitable girl as well.. someone more worth his time to spend with..

Maddie wrote a song for me... When I heard it, I was so touched.. I guess it captures the kind of mood that I can relate to... I had read the lyrics in her blog before she had recorded the song, and I thought it was just one of her poems... but when sung.. it really is a different feeling altogether.. my friend really got a beautiful voice yah~!

I am truLy blessed, to have a friend like her.. always the cynical voice that's not afraid to give me the harsh truth, jerking me into reality and into thinking.. and of coz not to forget sipei, who never fails to cheer me up, and nag me into enforcing my decisions and sticking by them.. *grInZ*

It's really cool wor.. how my mood change from moody when starting to write this entry, to cheerie at this point of time..*smiLe* All of you, my dearest Friends.. who have walked with me, and created memories in this Life Journey.. I LovE YoU! Thank you for being my friend.. friendship is truly one of the most valuable item in my list of treasures. ..=n.n=

***************************
忘不了 - 音儿
***************************



忘了 忘了
昨天忘了 明天忘了
忘了 忘了
白晝忘了 黑 夜忘了

忘了 忘了
左手忘了 右手忘了
忘了 忘了
加州忘了 澳洲忘了

身體 隨著他走了
熱情 隨著燃燒了
但當酒精 蒸發了
淚水 開始了
睜開眼 回憶歷歷在眼前

我發現
忘了時間 日夜 方向 或地點
仍然無法忘記我們 微笑的 畫面

心事。。

事情都过去了。。气也气过了。。 烦也烦过了。。但心中还是存在着那不愉快，很想哭的感觉。。唉~还真是伤脑筋啊~!

刚才自个儿到了Hougang Plaza去K歌了.. 有点儿小开心 :}

之后大概三点中左右, 我走路回家.. 花了我五十分钟噢!
在路上..一直感觉很想哭..但就是哭不出来。 总觉得, 只要哭出来 - 虽然自己也不清楚是为了什么而难过 - 心情一定会好一些.. 所以就一直想那些会令我伤心的事.. 有点儿小落泪..但最后还是决定回家才哭吧.. ;p

听说我昨晚真是失礼了..到处咬人..哈哈.. 我答应了..以后会规矩点儿, 不会像这次这样, 乱喝酒了!~

好吧..是时候去胡思乱想了~~~~ 唉... 晚安啊! .. ..

daYe aFter 05-02-05~

okie.. last nite at wala wala got people ask me if I'm an alcoholic liaoz.. some more last nite drink till puke many times (the cherries was a bad mistake).. so i announcing now.. ME GONNA LAY OFF BOOZE FOR A MONTH XD

hmm.. sidetrack abit.. now watching telebe.. see so many kids, even foreigners learning kungfu *南拳*..kawaii neh! Then i thnk to myself.. next time gonna get my kids to learn this. ahahaha.. =n.n=

After verification with a few pp.. i think i am certified "hung over" *blank look* hahahaha.. feels like dat day after Lamborghini sia~ And like that day, after wake up..gonna eat alot of stuff.. Mum preparing steamboat lunch now.. ;p

Didnt join JA, Derek and gang for dinner yesterday.. first coz I late, secondly coz i suddenly no mood.. Anyways I didnt miss much, they said the food sucked last nite.. Price increase standard drop sia~ Got myself a "caterpillar" from four leaves and suckky bubble tea.. too sweet.. JA drove us to wala after dat... *am i still gonna post this? ahhhhh..~! write one entry so long.. sighz..*

WALA: Drank a B52 shot.. 1 Erdinger Dark.. Took few photos .... g0t irritated by Jon countless times.. some time during the nite, JA looked at me and said "Jamie.. you really should go get yourself a maximizer.." Gee.. *raise eyebrow*.. sing B'day song (Derek's 26!!! ahahaha..) cut cake.. ate cake (so chocolaty!) from Four Leaves.. Listen song...Took picturefor Derek - with shirlyn & Brandon leh~ - hear Boby talk her scandalous past..XD Left after the start of 3rd set.. Gonna post the pictures up later k~

Zouk:Had 4 green apple shots...2 glasses vodka orange..and quite a few cherries.. (hmm.. dun really fancy cherry actually) Well, music definitely better than the day b4~.. But kinda feel like stayed there not very long.. think i just wanted to go drink.. hahaha.. *0oPs* Was in a pissed off mood... hmm.. Oh, now Joan just came online.. apparently i bit everyone last nite~! *0ooPs* Even left "marks" on Eugene?!!! Wah...sorry gene~!!!! He so ke lian.. knee still pain.. n still got bitten..Sorrie wor.. =(

# time check: been typing here since 1:30pm.. now going to 4:00pm liao.. hahaha#

Wearing jacket now.. Funny how i wasnt cold at wala wala.. but I rem keep complaining to gene that i very cold after leave zouk..hmmm....Okie.. going for my steamboat lunch cum dinner now.. Ciao~

Tricked again.. So pissed..

Yesterday called him..coz concerned about how he is.. JA asked me is it i still like him? I m very clear on that lor... me n him CANNOT be together.. but i still concern about him as a friend.. some more coz of hi sms the night b4..

i m so silly... with regards to his sms, my friends used the terms "bullshit" and "what a load of crap".. maddie's version was '狗改不了吃屎'... why i still go worry my little head about how he is doing.. is he really very depressed.. will he go do anything stupid...?!!!! End up.. he still sleeping alot - can sleep - watching telebe and 4D.. life going on for him still..! *crap..*

Is not that i wish to see him unhappy or anything happen to him.. but.. sighz.. pissed..

WH the heck he send me sms like those for?!!! I should have learnt my lessons mah.. so stupid.. in the beginning, he oso sms me stupid things.. next day i call him n check on him he will deny sending or make excuse that he sent mebbe coz too drunk...

Last night was in a pretty bad mood... been feeling sian since leaving the house to meet JA, Derek, Jon, etc..Pissed off partly coz of him bah.. feel stupid.. that i actually lose sleep the nite b4.. even cry coz i feel bad... shitz... Generally.. i was just in a bad mood bah... Mood swinging..

烦。。纳闷。。清晨。。不想睡。。

Out of the blue.. receieved an sms from Daniel .. "I seriously miss you".. i no reply.... Then on and off.. receieve a few more sms.. saying wat he.. he will always cry becoz of me.. and that he is willing to change for me...*why he sms me all these for leh...? sighz..*

Sighz.. i hate the tot that i am the reason he is feeling miserable.. pp hurt me I still can take..but i dun like that people are hurt becoz of me.. sighz...

All da gals say ignore.. dun need reply.. dun revive the dragging status of the r/s .. ..

Cant reconcile with the fact he is hurting coz f me.. .. not say i am thinking of reconciling with him per say.. but.. just feel very fustrated and sad.. Like i'm such a mean person.. coz hurt people 。。

我想哭。。
为了因我而受到伤害的他而哭。。。
为了伤害到他的我而哭。。。
真的很烦。。很纳闷。。。
以为已经解决了的问题，
又再次的浮现。。困扰着我。。。

我哭了。。
言语不能形容我内心那杂乱的心情。。
只好以泪水代替。。
真的有点儿埋怨自己的脆弱。。
一遇到烦恼事。。就只会哭。。唉。。
希望哭过了。。心情多少也能平静些。。
哭了。。 累了。。就去睡了吧。。。
虽然醒来后。。问题还是存在。。

烦。。纳闷。。清晨了。。不想睡。。

* NiTe * LonE * ThoTs *

Nothing doing.. reading some poetry by a lady in multiply... She's really good! Her poetry are mostly about love and relationships .. with one or 2 very close to daily life stuff..

http://abbylee.multiply.com/journal

Entering February already.... reading all the love, logic, reflections and stuff.. makes me feel melancholic..
Like I said, i'm still trying to get used to singlehood.. wat to do on 14th February lehz~...*bleah*.. Feeling lonely..

Joan date me for Zouk this fridaye.. and probably Saturday will have another drink session @ Wala Wala to celebrate mister Derek's bday..! Think m a late bloomer.. weekend partying has become a routine for me already, at a time when people around me have partied till they sick of it .. hahaha .. ;p

.. Daniel messaged me to wish me happy birthday, and wish me well. I ask abt his work and family.. he said family is alright.. but work sux.. Well.. I also cant help in that area.. I couldnt help b4.. I definitely couldnt help now.. Life is still going on.. for him..for me... Just that our path is seperate.. it has been so for a long time now... I still wish the best for him though.. That he'll be happy.. : }

Think i am really bad at cheering pp up.. I dun know the right words to say... Like that day over msn with Ben, dunno how chat chat chat until he go into depression again... Sighz.. Wish he'd come to his senses soon and quit hoping for the worse in his life.. Worry for him sia.. being overseas and alone, and keep thinking these kind of depressing thots.. sighz.. can just say his life hasnt been smooth sailing at all.. But wat can I say leh?? Worse is this stupid fella cant seem to just see me as an ol' friend.. keep bring up how he let me down last time.. bla bla bla.. Geez.. I cant even bloody remember most of the things already.. and it was an ok breakup .. no big hooha.. 5 yrs ago and keep bring up for wat? I really dunno how to handle a guy who is bent on making his llife miserable sia.. *head pain* Wish can do something for him.. - on my part, I see him and his sister as old friends - but my words he dun listen.. too set in his ways liaoz.. *sighz*

Think i'm better with actions... hugz.. gifts.. stuff lydat.. I like to surprise my friends and give them something that they normally would not spend on themselves... I like the thought that I made them happy.. *grinz* Though.. there are times when i'm feeling low.. that i wonder if I am spending money just to keep my friends.. like eager to please them lydat.. hahaha.. sighz.. but truth be told if my friends leave me.. it'll be more devastating then if a boyfriend leave me i think.. at this point of time lah. I'm not saying bad abt my friends, they are with me coz they like me.. and they accept me as I m.. temper, bad habits and all.. and I love them doubly for that! =n.n= Just that when one is feeling low.. one tends to focus on own weakness and fears.. X Think childhood still has its shadows...

Mid twenties feeling is starting to hit me.. Reflecting on the past, I realised that I am very far from my goals. Actually, I m a simple girl. .. wat i want is close friends, for life kind.. and a man whom I can rely on, trust and love and talk to.. be loved as I am... and kids.. a family of my own.. some cats and dogs in the house, maybe a tortoise or 2 as well.. hahaha ;p .. learn to drive, learn to dive.. get my own bicycle.. see bit of the world.. be enveloped in warmth at nite.. most of all..basically.. I just want to be wanted.. needed.. and loved ...

Life.. still goes on.. good or bad.. one must find a direction, a purpose to go on.. Alone.. or hand in hand.. sighz.. Must train myself to be independant..but den again maybe i just miss the feeling of being needed by someone.. sighz.. i need a hug sia.. X

*Paul anka - I don't like to sleep alone*
I don't like to sleep alone
Stay with me
Don't go
Talk with me for just a while
So much of you to get to know
Reaching out touching you
Leaving all the worries behind
Loving you
My mouth on yours and yours on mine
Marry me
Let me live with you
Nothing's wrong and love is right
Like a man says in his song
Help me make it through the night
Loneliness can get you down
When you get to thinking no one cares
Lean on me
And I'll lean on you
Together we will see it through

No, I don't like to sleep alone
It's sad to think some folks do
No I don't like to sleep alone
No one does
Do you?

No, I don't like to sleep alone
It's sad to think some folks do
No I don't like to sleep alone
No one does
Do you?