Sadness

I cant slp... my  heart is aching badly now... n i’m very very very sad.... i dunno if i m crying coz no sound... but tears just keep running  down.. i feel depressed, n hopeless abt this life... i feel like i m always there to help people but  the sad reality is, i dun  have anyone to turn to, i dun think i ever matter to anyone  at all in this life.. i should just give up, really....

The heart

Alone again
Naturally
The aching in my heartThe familiar sound of it breaking

The saddest part of it all
The part that I will miss the most
Is that the smile that I fell in love with
Will no longer be mine to own

I tried 
The only way I know how
But guess it's written in the stars
The love that I want
was never meant to last

Should I hang on? Should I pursue?
I really don't know
If I still have the strength
to start anything new

For you, and you..and you
The YOUs I've given my heart
The ones I had loved..

I hope you are well
I hope you are loved
I am sorry
that i'm no longer the one to make you smile
I hope that some times
You will still think of me awhile

Unfortunately, as my fate dictates
A love will never be mind to own
A family will never be mine to make

I will drift through this life
Thankful for what I can get
For however long it last
My heart I have given
I will not regret

--- Mie

End is near..

so time does heal... fate & destiny do bring new people through your path..
First time i met u, i was attracted i guess by your smile.. i just thought though that u r fun
Second time i met u is still just that.. u r a nice friend of a friend...
Third time i met u, i dunno y.. mebbe i was bored so when u arrived i lit up abit, and it was just 3 of us again.. i know that i definitely didn’t expect you to actually went directly and asked me to be your girl.. and as usual i dunno how to reject pp so i said ok if u say so..i still dunno why you would want me.

Time flies.. it’s gonna be 4 months already once we hit the new year..
I love ur simple steadfastness, your grounded ways and immense patience.. i love how every time u smile at me, i cant belp but smile back.. i love how u listen to my rants and calmly wipe away my tears.. the way u reassure me that my fears are redundant... i love the way u fall aslp on mu hospital bed.. the way u frown in ur slp.. the way you turn my body on fire with just a kiss n touch..

I love u n it scares me coz i still dunno how i deserve u.
My last relationship only lasted 5 months.. n urs just ended like 2 months before we got together.. i cant help but doubt myself because... it just never happens to me, to have a relationship that lasts.. it scares me that i can see a future with you, because I believe that it wont come true...it has been constantly on my mind, worrying abt how and if i match up to your past girlfriends...

Now, lying in bed... feeling weak just recovering from flu... feeling depressed abt the procedure i’m going through on Friday...i know i should be reassured by my boss’s advise but i cant help but be afraid... that time when i went for colon scope i wasnt this afraid.. i guess coz this time, there r many more variables to consider... what if my internal bleeding was bad? What if it is so pain i just cry? What if i was so bruised i cant walk? What if the stone didnt split into small pieces or worse, drops n they have to operate on me?! Yesterday i cried.. coz as the time draws near i really cannot help but think that u be dumping me soon... i m tearing now coz i m tired, i only ate 1 meal today with no appetite... n i m worried abt tmr n fri.. n i m worried that i made u vexed with all the questions just now on plans for next few days..i dunwan to make u less in love with me faster than how it will eventually happen.. i hope at least i’d get to spend ur bday with u..

I wish i can psycho myself to be less pessimistic.. i keep telling pp no point being afraid of smthing u wont know for sure will happen.. den again, i m more unhappy rather than worried i guess.. i m not happy today... 

I really want u to be the person to pick me on Friday but i also really want u to have a gd rest n not be tired at work coz of me... 

If u dun love me anymore... unfortunately, my life will still go on.. just a little less colorful 

我好想。。。

不是一个人寂寞才想起你。。而是突然那爱你的感觉又浮现。。 即揪心又无奈。

我的生命里会永远残留着您的烙印，记载着当时爱得那么汹涌多么真实。

是我胆小，我自私，我没信心能让你开心。。当我开始担心你是否已厌倦我的时候，我尽然选择逃。。这辈子，我后悔的不是与妳相恋 - 那段是我这一生最灿烂的回忆；我后悔的是我没尽力全力维持那段感情。

我想我会永远的爱你。
但我真的要逼我自己不再烦你。

这辈子不会有答案的问题：妳。。当时为何没试着挽留我？是因为妳真的如我想象的已感到厌倦了吗？



開了燈　眼前的摸樣
偌大的房　寂寞的床
關了燈　全都一個樣
心裡的傷　無法分享
生命隨年月流去　隨白髮老去
隨著你離去　快樂渺無音訊
隨往事淡去　隨夢境睡去
隨麻痺的心逐漸遠去
我好想你　好想你
卻不露痕跡
我還踮著腳思念
我還任記憶盤旋
我還閉著眼流淚
我還裝作無所謂
我好想你　好想你　卻欺騙自己
我好想你　好想你　就當做秘密
我好想你　好想你　就深藏在心

The moment...

u realise... u dont really have anyone to talk to... except maybe God.

It is strange isn't it? How someone so familiar becomes a stranger... So many pp come through my life.. I just dunno how to mmake them stay.. Guess sometime being mie just ain't enough...

失落沙丘

明知道爱情并不牢靠，但是我还是拼命往里跳。。。。

我想，我不会在你面前哭。。。你再也没有这个权利了。 当初，如果你不来了乱我的心，如果你很明确的表明你只想玩， 如果我有好好地锁住我所残留的心。。。 现在就不会那么痛了。一旦心给了，说爱了，其实就已经不能收回了。

胸口，空了。。。 真的没有了。。。 希望这次真的无法再爱多一遍。

眼泪。。。会停的。

Reflections...

I just realized...  it has been actually around 4.5 years since my last proper relationship... that is really long...

Like I was telling my friend the other day.. The guys around me only seemed interested to bed me... in response he could only sheepishly smirk coz he is one of those guys.. hur

I guess I should make some changes to my circumstances.soon ..  it first started with a sense of security in the fact that it will be a no strings attached, no commitment required sort of relationship...  the physical contact was enjoyable and helps to destress most times.. but as it dawns on me that I will never be the one, with a loving spouse, a house, kids to go home to... an emptiness starts to grow inside of me.

I think it is time to stop living day by day..but instead to really make each day mean smthing,  and stop all the unhealthy habits n relationship...  I m not getting younger.. but hopefully I could get to the stage where I can face myself,  face the world, confident and comfortable , alone but not lonely.