Pendulum: my life..

Yup.. messy life i have.

Am not smart, am not exceptionally good looking... just simply good natured, friendly and not, not pretty gal.. never really worked hard in pursue of achievement before.. the long period of avoiding in depth thinking process has resulted in me being super forgetful these days.. I cannot remember the details of the project i worked on the day before and stuff lydat..

Turning senile mebbe? Perhaps i should take more fish & milk...

I have hopes of coz.. and dreams.. And I do want to become someone with an active career and achieve something out of myself.. As a friend even, i've been failing in the role recent months... I know i know i KNOW.. but just dun have the strength or motivation to get my ass up and do something about it..

CHANGE.. every attempt seems to end up a failed experiment. Why not just wait and see.. mebbe people will change things for me. Foolhardy to think that of course... Lazy lazy me.. For better or for worse.. no one brought me to that state but myself.

Like a pendulum .. a clockwork that runs consistently, forward onward..no particular destination in mind.. until one day it stops.. looking back to nothing except a life of tick tocks...

why the need to fill up time? tiring effort it is.. and yet i still go on and on.. Contradicting everything i think, say or do ... So tired. I should work on finding my purpose in life.. >.<"