Lost...which direction should i go?

... ... i cried.

having my first meal of thursday at this unearthly hour.. cold food.. mood so low.. cant care less.. need wake around 5am later..

i really want to do things well & properly, really! dunno is it coz of my lack .. in focus, in intelligience etc - i cant seem to get things done as fast and as smoothly as i want it...

afternoon talk to my collegue till i really stress till wanna cry.. she is handling one registeration counter in foyer 2 while i'm managing the one in hall 1.. i just wanna arrange staff for her side, plan schedule.. n really would prefer those pp who cant work full day tomorrow to just not come at all.. guess i too set in my own mindset till i cant understand my collegue's logic... den ok.. let her pick the pp she want etc.. she gave 11 names.. just wanna know which position she putting them in.. just rough reference, dunno y she cant just give me.. she ask me back instead why i need to know all these? she will plan... sighz.... she keep lecturing me.. telling me my weakness is this this that that... i cant out talk her.. she dun seem to understand what i want... i cant focus.. totally lost.. may be i too lack of her depth of experience to understand her terms of references etc.. so just leave everything her way .. since budget is enuff to cover whatever... *sigh*

:: i pray for peace of mind, wisdom and focus ::

evening... packed n went over to foyer 2 to do my reports... think is coz i no focus mebbe? coz i went and entered the entries for past 2 days again just so the countries tally.. should hav done the one i least farmiliar with first so that i can get it cleared.. sighz... anyways till almost 12 am still cant print out the last report.. dunno is i kok up or the application kok up... the tseps very simple.. EVERYTHING in CAPS.. i did that.. point to c drive etc.. but no file generated! i wanted to see how it's done the first day but was told i no need to hang around can go back..

I seem to take long time to do things that other people can do very fast...

So what should i do now? What's my purpose in life? I am definitely not doing well in my work.. in fact seems like i'm going from bad to worst! So what else can I do?

JA asked me yesterday.. so what do you like to do huh actually? i replied "frankly.. i dunno" no joke.. i do not have anything i excel in or is exceptionally passionate abt... JA suggested mebbe my goal in life is to be 'Tai Tai"... well.. one thing i would like to achieve in life is to get married and have kids.. but i think i m just an empty shell... no content.. how would someone lydat be of any value to their partner????

what should i do?? where should i go? what can i do? what do i want to do? what is my passion?? do i want to study? what do i have interest in studying? what are my strengths????? where are the plans?? what's the purpose of living?? what job do i like???

:: i pray for direction.. to walk without being led.. to be whole as a person.. ::

StreSSed... DePressed.. Tears flowing for wat i oso dont know....

HeLp me?!