messed up..ramblings..

recieved an email from wilson & diana.. regarding eco matters... a big reminder on how messed up my life has been so far... i am a disapppointment to myself.. and i am affecting others as well..

i must remember that what i do with my life does not only affect mie.. but my action, or lack of it.. affects others as well...

i'm just a big ball of mess right now.. and guess what? I'm still gonna just bundle all this mess and chuck it in one corner of my mind... then go dress up and put on a normal perky face to meet sharon and friends for dinner tonight. -_-" I AM weird... wonder how long it'll take for me to have Schizophrenia is this carries on sia.. split personality.. haha..

I think i have become so good at numbing myself against problems such that.. it has resulted in the increase of my absentmindedness.. At work, during the job itself i will remember the points and work to complete the task, but days after i cannot recall what is it i did! Sigh... and had to bother my colleagues again and ask them...X(

I must un-numb myself and stop this process.. it is affecting everything..

Is it wrong to want to forget or ignore problems? very irresponsible right.. gee.. guess its really that serious..

I want to acheive something this year.. may 2006 not end in disappointment.. again..

First i guess i must revise my ambition already... which really dun seem achievable.. i give up on it le. Next, i must find a motivation and new direction.. tough sia.. sigh.. just wanna curl up and wallow in depression..

but got dinner date tonight... -_-"